He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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