i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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