Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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