dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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