Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Randomize
