im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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