Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
