i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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