Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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