we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
