I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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