Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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