Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
