so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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