mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Do vagina's smell?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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