I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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