im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
sarcasm needs its own font
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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