Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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