Your dad touched me again.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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