but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
