im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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