You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
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