didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
