My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
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