Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
