Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
