new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Randomize
