He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
do herpes really smell.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize