and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Randomize
