Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
