piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
