i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
