you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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