What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
