I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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