I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
