addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
