After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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