Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
