On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
