I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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