I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
