Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Randomize
