when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
