In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
