9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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