Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
