I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Blood and glitter go together right?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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