Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Randomize
