So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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