dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
