i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
