I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
