You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
