I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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