I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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