we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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