hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
