there was a trapeze. enough said
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize