I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
