Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
