Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
