dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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