my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
ttyl tear gas
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
