my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
