I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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