I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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