I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
