I hope mine doesn't look like that
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
