i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Just invented taco cereal.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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