So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I think a kid would responsible me up
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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