Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
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Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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