the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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