You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
