u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Randomize
