I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
