I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
