i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I just gift wrapped bread.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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